1
Bush scheduled to visit LV for GOP fund-raiser. Wakes up next morning in tub of ice, missing a kidney.
2
Area 51 reportedly redesignated “Homey Airport.” Compromise choice after brass couldn’t agree on spelling of “Beyotch Field.”
3
Attorney Glen Lerner says he’s reevaluating “rock star” life. In other news, Leif Garrett considers becoming tiresomely self-promoting accident lawyer.
4
Embattled Judge Halverson has not received campaign donations for a year. Decides to reconsider “rock star” life of an embattled judge.
5
Miss America pageant, at Planet Hollywood, said to be hipper than ever. Texting with both thumbs added to talent competition.
6
Entrepreneur.com ranks LV as 4th best place to buy real-estate in down market. Screwedbyhousingbubble.com not so easily impressed.
7
Guv wants to redirect tax funds from cities to state. Wakes up next morning in tub of ice, missing a kidney.