1
Marvel at faux stardom. Who knew that when young upstart Kevin Federline (at that time a mere boy-toyish backup dancer and pretender to the pop throne) first hosted at Pure in 2006 that the wife-beatered wonder would return triumphantly an apparent father of the year (or, as one Weekly writer put it, “the lesser of two evils”) to celebrate his 30th birthday there this Friday, March 21? And while K-Fed haggles with Britney’s camp over a $1 million legal tab, at least we can be assured that he is gainfully employed, and likely bagging a sizable paycheck for letting America witness the awesome spectacle of his natal day.
2
Catch a one-man band. The Slow Poisoner, aka renegade San Francisco artist Andrew Goldfarb, is a multi-talented freak. After his former strange-mix-of-rootsy-garage-rock band The Slow Poisoners shed its skin from a quintet to a solo act, Goldfarb carried on, becoming a one-man machine of crunching guitars, wailing vocals and the hypnotic beat of a self-kicked bass drum. But if an appreciation for multi-tasking isn’t your thing, Goldfarb’s mesmerizing songs, his unwavering stage presence and the potential lethality surrounding the homemade “miracle tonic” he sells after shows certainly will be. That is, unless you’re dead. Performing with Brian Black, Necrophiliac Hearse. Saturday, March 22, 9 p.m., free. The Freakin’ Frog, 4700 S. Maryland Parkway. 597-9702.
3
Support a great writer who’s actually alive. It’s not that the writing of good short stories is a dying craft: no—not at all. It’s only that the writers expert in the craft are vanishing, or have already perished. Thank God, then, that Tobias Wolff, one of the masters, is still crafting them. Our Story Begins: New and Selected Stories comes out Tuesday, March 25; it’s available online and at most new-book retailers.
4
Take advantage of the crappy housing market. More than 220 foreclosed homes will be auctioned off this Saturday, March 22, at 9:30 a.m. at Cashman Center. Market-watchers say this could be your best chance to get a great deal, based on the latest signs. Of course, it could also be the chance to buy another albatross around your neck. Still, it’s going to be very cool watching hundreds of people bidding on three bedrooms and two baths. ushomeauction.com.
5
Watch a play with a real bad word in the title. Las Vegas Little Theatre celebrates its 30th anniversary in the most memorable way possible, staging Poona the Fuck Dog, and Other Children’s Stories at the 60-seat Virlis & Bernice Fischer Black Box. It’s an adult (duh!) fairy tale by Jeff Goode and includes the Fairy God Phallus, cyber assassins, thespian shrubs and lost space aliens. In other words, leave all hope behind, but be prepared for a night you’ll never forget. March 21-30: 8 p.m. Thursday, Friday and Saturday; 2 p.m. Sunday. $10-$12. Info: 362-7996, lvlt.org.